This is the topic that everybody has an interest in. With all the technology such as Facebook and tweeting and the other social media that is so much a part of our lives today makes cheating more common today. Most of the calls we receive usually start with, "I was looking on face book and I saw..." Also in today’s world, marriage does not seem to hold people together like it once did. It seems like relationships became harder or people just don’t seem to want to put the work in. Divorce seems to be the problem solving method for bad relationships.
Let’s talk about the thousands of phone calls we have received and some of the common issues that we hear every day.
When you are in a relationship, there are patterns that people have in their routines. People usually come home at a certain time. They have a schedule that for the most part, they keep. Anytime you see a change in a routine in a partner, you need to start paying attention. I’m not saying that you need to start accusing the person because there are legitimate reasons for pattern changes that are short in duration. Any long term routine changes are a reason for concern. This is the time where you need to start paying closer attention to your spouse.
If your spouse comes home and they avoid contact or head straight for the shower, start paying attention. The spouse that is cheating will have the scent of the person they have been with. They will be concern of the smell of perfumes, etc. The whole agenda here is to conceal what they are doing. This concealment changes their routine. It distracts them. You may see them becoming agitated because this concealment causes stress. Remember, you are now the person who is in the way of them seeing the person they want to see. This creates a lot of stress on the cheating spouse. You may see the cheating spouse getting angry at you for no reason. They have to in their minds make you a bad person. It justifies what they are doing. It’s possible they want to start a fight to leave the house to see the other person. The change in the cheating spouse’s demeanor is an indicator that something may be occurring.
When a cheating spouse as started a relationship outside the marriage, they are in the courting stage. You will see a change in clothes. When your husband all of a sudden starts buying new clothes or if his style has changed then start paying attention. I‘m not saying that you need to be paranoid. What I am saying is to pay attention to what is going on. Remember, look for pattern changes. Look for what is an all of a sudden change. If your husband has always been a casual dresser and then he starts buying expensive suits, maybe that is an area to look at.
I will use myself as an example. I like t-shirts, jeans and tennis shoes. My wife has upgraded me some but my style is just my style. If I started buying suits or expensive slacks, she would look at me crossed eyed and would wonder what the heck is going on. You are just as familiar with your husband. You know what he likes and does not like. When the other woman comes into the picture, she will have an impact on him. She will begin to rub off on your man just as you did when he met you. You will see the style changes that she has influenced him with. Your style effects will start to fade the longer he is with her.
Women have great instincts but the one thing I have observed in my tenure is that they don’t listen to themselves. Women will see something and know there is something wrong. The very next moment, they will dismiss it and make an excuse for what they know is wrong. Most of the calls I receive are from woman but when they contact me they have known something was wrong for a long period of time. This is why when a woman calls me suspecting that her husband is having an affair, I know it has been going on for a long time. She has seen the changes but has ignored them hoping that what she is seeing is just not true.
Because cell phones are now mini computers, they can be used for all types of communication. Text messaging and email are the favorites for cheating spouses. The cheating spouse will hide the cell phone. When he/she sleeps the phone will be hidden. He/she does not want to take the chance of you looking at his phone when he/she is sleeping. If you have access to the cell bill, the cheating spouse may block the number so all you see on the bill is an “Unknown number.” They do this by *67 and the number. The person they are seeing may also do this to conceal their number when they call. In addition, they may get another phone that you know nothing about. This is common when people are having affairs. The cell phone will be the main focus of communication in the affair. Your answers are in the cell phone. They will tell you who he/she are talking to and give a good PI good leads to begin the investigation.
When the affair began, neither party was careful and usually they did not use the discretion that you see now. The point is that if you look back into phone records, you will probably see a pattern of phone calls that are out of the ordinary. After the affair is established then the parties started being careful.
By the time you find out or suspect an affair, it has usually been occurring for the past six months. This is common and sometimes the other spouse does not find out for nearly a year. Shocking I know but very true.
Using email is also a good way for the cheating spouse to communicate with their new love interest. They can easily be deleted and the trash emptied. The cheating spouse will change passwords or create a complete different email to conceal their activities. A lot of affairs start without even meeting. The email or dating services are good tools for the cheating spouse.
When a new relationship begins outside a current relationship, there is still a courting process. This process takes money. They will go out to eat or meet at a coffee shop, etc. To become intimate, they will have to get a hotel room especially if the other party is married.
If your spouse is having an affair, there will be an increase of ATM’s withdrawals. Cash cannot be traced and is the method of concealment of a cheating spouse. Like I stated earlier in the book, people have patterns. A change in patterns in ATM withdrawals is a point of concern. Start looking at days that withdrawals are made. People having affairs also have patterns that they follow. They will see each other on specific days and if they see each other daily, it will usually be at the same time. Look at patterns and you will get your answer.
When you call your PI, this information is a great starting point to begin the surveillance. The more intelligence you have, the more chances of success you will have in regards to the surveillance.
In some cases for the cheating spouse to protect themselves, they will open a separate checking account without the other spouse knowing. I have conducted surveillances and followed the cheating spouse to a financial institution. At the time, I don’t know that anything is wrong but when I report this information back to the other souse, their response is, “we don’t bank there.” Most of the time, I find out the change in banking long before I catch the cheating spouse having the affair. Remember, to court their new interest takes money and time. You will see a change in both.
Dating sites today are sometimes comical. They cover everything. The single dating site is old and outdated. Now they asked if you are married and want to have an affair. They asked if you are straight, gay, bisexual and any other category that I don’t know about. The point is that if a spouse wants to have a discreet affair, there is a web site to help him/her in that effort. The resources are endless in this new era of our world. The spouse that wants to have an affair has all these resources to assist them in their efforts. Back in the day, you had to worry about who your spouse met at work or at the bar. Now cyberspace has added an unlimited supply of people who are looking for the same thing. Most people these days meet people on line so it makes sense that most affairs now start on line. The internet has impacted relationships because everything is now at your fingertips.
A lot of people meet on line and wait a period of time to meet. I believe the reason for this is because there is so much dishonest on dating sites. The two people start talking and have filled their profile with untrue facts. These people tend to wait longer to meet to conceal their lies. However, there are sites that specifically solicit married people to have affairs with other married people. This tends to take away the dishonesty and people are becoming more honest because the moral aspect of marriage is devalued. The point of this section is to make you aware that the tools to have affairs on the web are alive and well. If your souse is looking to cheat or is cheating you can bet the internet is involved.
There are monitoring spyware you can download in your computer to ascertain what sites are being monitored. Check with laws in your state regarding this issue.